Exhausted....

Good Evening, Today Is July 8^th.

I trust you have had a good week?  All good here.  Very exhausted; between the heat and trying to keep up with my Big Lil Sister…:-).  More on that below....

The Heat.  Down here in the Carolinas, this week it was about as bad as I can ever remember.  It is stifling.  One of my favorite pastimes these days is sitting on the porch, sipping a beverage, listened to my Ipad shuffle playing, thinking about 31+ years of pleasant memories.  This week I pretty much stayed on the couch with the AC going strong.  Even Golf was almost a chore for me on Friday.  I consider myself kind of a golf nut, but when it is 100+ degrees and no breeze some of the fun goes away.

Before I tell you about my week, I wanted to update you on a very special lady / family who is involved in a bike ride later this month called 24 Hours Of Booty.  I have spoken of this in the past.  Marguerite Fourqurean is dedicating her efforts to My Janelle this year. 

http://www.24hoursofbooty.org/site/TR?px=1312394&pg=personal&fr_id=1170&et=l0XW3o5VBcfLzmqqQYNZow&s_tafId=14585

Besides being a fabulous cook, which Janelle and I got to experience many times over the last year, she has quite a nice assortment of flowers growing in her front yard that are maintained beautifully.  She especially treasures her Hydrangeas (Janelle's Favorite), but with the heat she knew they were not going to make it very long so as she put it in an email to me....

I asked myself Janelle’s question…

“what can I do to make a difference in my corner of the world with these flowers…..”;

the answer was BLOOMS FOR BOOTY.  Nothing like setting up a flower stand at the end of your driveway and making extra money for the Cancer cause!

So Big Little Sister Kris arrived on Monday.  She is Big Sister because technically she is older than me (I am the youngest of four, only male).  She is Little Sister because in a very nice way, I always considered her the baby of the family.  No disrespect in that comment.  I of course have always loved her, but I got a whole new perspective on the person she is this week.  She can be serious, she can be emotional and boy can she be fun and hold her own in all kinds of settings.  This week that included a couple of holiday type parties with the neighbors.  EVERYBODY LOVED KRIS!

Her goal this week was really just to hang out, help me do anything that I wanted/needed to do or do nothing at all.  We did a lot of both.  We laughed…and we cried.  I do have a lot of things that I need to go through in the house.  Some of it of course is pretty personal and Britt wants to be involved, but there is also a lot of just stuff that needs to be reviewed, boxed and stored or… trashed.  I tend to move toward the trash aspect very quickly so it was good to have Kris doing this.  As the following pictures kind of show, we have lots of boxes in process, my favorite picture is the lower right that shows empty cabinets; my goal is to simplify my life and this is a big part of it.  Thursday, some of my other special ladies (there are several), Kathy & Sheri came over to visit with Kris and they did a few hours in the craft room, cleaning, organizing a bit, and thinking about a plan to Give, Donate, Sell, Keep  or…TRASH way too many things for me to think through right now.  About the only thing I am thinking in terms of the craft room at this point is that it will probably be the "My Janelle" room where I display the majority of her pictures and cards and a place I can go and just reflect…

Wednesday, Kris and I took a road trip to Raleigh to have a quick visit with Britt and Kenneth.  Big festival in downtown Raleigh that Britt was working at in the afternoon so we left early, went to their house so Kris could see it, had a great visit, went to lunch, and said good bye and headed back to Charlotte.  One item we definitely had on the schedule for this week was a visit to the cemetery so that was our stop before getting back to the house.  Sweet time, a bit emotional, mainly for Kris as this was the first time she has been back.  Beautiful and Peaceful afternoon; Kris experienced my routine which is to start at My Janelle’s resting place, I then walk the grounds as within about a 200 yard distance there are seven other people at rest who have touched Janelle’s and my life over the last 20 years.  I then head back and sit on the Hayes Bench for a little while.  Picture on the left is Kris, Britt, Kenneth (and a lot of fireworks).  Check out the Wind Chimes on the right.  I will explain below…

Janelle had many dear friends; however the friendship with Ann Binns was a long term, extremely close and trusted relationship that included a lot of counseling going both ways as they experienced the joys and heartaches of being mothers & wives.  At the Celebration Service, Ann was one of the people who spoke of My Janelle and she told a story from many years ago during a challenging time in her life when Janelle had given her a smooth stone with the word “BELIEVE” inscribed.  Ann kept this on display in her house for the last several years, but last August when we received the news of Janelle’s health situation she returned it so Janelle could also keep that word very close to her heart.  The chimes; they are hanging from a tree directly behind the Hayes Bench with the following words…

In Remembrance of

 My Friend Janelle

Love Always Ann

BELIEVE

Almost done.  Time for my Janelle pictures.  In case you are wondering, I have no logic in what pictures I pick each week.  I have a stash, some that I have seen many times and some that I am just finding now as we start cleaning.  There will be many of these and I am planning on just keeping them available for future postings.  This week includes one of those.  The one on the left was taken at the Hayes Family Reunion, our annual Midwest trip that I just returned from, I am thinking about the 2007 timeframe.  The reunion is a fun time, but my most dear memories of these trips are the many miles we drive; talking, listening to music, listening to NFL Radio, being quiet, even My Janelle rationing out snacks for me (I have a tendency to open a box of candy and it will be gone quickly).  The picture on the right is VERY SWEET to me.  This was taken on April 10^th; one month later My Janelle departed for Heaven.  At this time, we did not know that the treatments were no longer being effective although we both knew that her ability to do simple things was becoming a bit challenging.  Look at that smile, even in the midst of the biggest storm of life, it never went away…

Last week I reported to you that I was feeling pretty good about me and my healing although after writing that last paragraph I am having a few tears at the moment.  This was a more challenging week.  Having Kris here was great, but one of her main reasons for being here was to help me do some post Janelle cleaning so as we found things, tears were readily on display a lot.  I realize this is necessary.  I don’t try and be strong or anything, that does not work.  So in general all is good.  This next week most likely will be challenging as well as it will mark 12 months from the beginning of our journey.  The morning of July 12th, Janelle woke up and felt very strange, enough that she even went to the Doctor although everybody agreed that it was most likely just a bit of pre-wedding stress.

I appreciate ALL of you.  This is quite amazing therapy for me, still kind of just boggles my mind.  Last week the blog had 1,200 visits by Tuesday morning.  Your comments, cards & emails are huge encouragement to me.  For you locals, the visits/hugs are very special.  I will plan to check back in next Sunday.  I hope all of you have a great week……

Ken

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 Strength and Peace to You ….. Psalms 29:11

 

Comments

[lynne]

All good. Love you. X

[Jan Frost]

I ran to the computer tonight...anxious for Sunday's blog. I haven't had tears for a few weeks, and I do tonight. I think this might say my heart.....sending you love, Dear Ken, and hugs and the comfort of our Jesus. Keep breathing, keep going forward. I'm praying tonight, for God to "come to you, like the Spring rain watering the earth". Refreshing to the heart and soul. Hope that it cools off soon! ;)
Jan

[Goodly Creations (Volcano)]

Aloha! Like the rest of your followers always look forward to your Sunday post. So good to hear all is going well. Great to hear your sister was there and able to share those precious and sometimes hard moments. The pictures you share are always enjoyed even if I forget to comment.
Sounds like you are taking it easy on yourself with is the best thing to do. The tears and the joy come at the oddest moments. Do take care and know you are in my thoughts and prayers (as well as the rest of Janelle's precious family.)
God bless,
Goodly Creations

[Jen Griffith]

I look for to Sunday night, to read your posts, but mostly to remember Janelle. So glad your sister was able to spend some time with you...what a special time for you both. I LOVE the Believe rock and wind chime from Ann ~ what a special bond they had ~ thank you for sharing the story. As always, thank you for sharing your heart.
Jen Griffth

[Jen Griffith]

I look *forward* ~ sorry typo.
jen

[Kathy Mc]

Ken, as you find peace in writing these posts, I also find peace in remembering your sweet Janelle by checking in here weekly. So very glad that Kris was there for you when you needed her. Laughing and crying is all part of grieving so let it flow. Can only imagine how overwhelmed you are with a house full of remembrances and decisions to make…but take your time. If it doesn't feel right yet, wait as they recommend one doesn't rush the process. Hopefully, things will cool down for you so you can get out to the golf course and relax with a cool beverage. Have a great week!

[eleftheria]

Dear Ken, please don t forget that grieving is actually part of healing.You need this, you need those tears to move on.It is such a blessing you keep posting.I m praying for you my friend...

[Sherry in MI]

Hi Ken....thanks for tonight's post. So glad
Kris has been there with you this week. Good
to have family around. Happy to hear that
you are finding blogging "theraputic". I'm
sure that it contributes to your healing...
and to ours. Blessings to you, Ian, Britt
and Kenneth.

[SueB]

You may not realize it but because you generously offer these wonderful posts you are helping all of us that come here, a way to work through our grief. Through tears and sadness/joy, I read your posts. Janelle was such a brave, wonderful person. I'm so glad your Sis could come and spend time with you and help you. I love the idea you have for Janelle's craft room. If we ever make it to the east coast again, I will want to visit the Hayes Bench. Love the wind chime, there.

[Linda]

Stay strong and God bless.

[Connie F.]

Sounds like a good week. Love the pictures, as always - especially love seeing that beautiful smile! God bless you in your healing. Sending you (((BIG HUGS))) to get through another week.

[Kim C.]

Janelle memories come at random and unexpected times to bring a smile to my face and usually tears too. Glad that you are doing o.k. and have friends and family helping you through this tough time. Keeping you, Ian, Britt and Kenneth, Jessie, and Bob in my prayers.

[Joyce Mehrberg]

Nice to hear from you, Ken. Hugs from San Diego.

[Marybeth L.]

It's so good to hear from you each weel Ken. I even find myself peeking to see if you posted anything early. I think I just got so used to checking in on Janelle. I love the picture of the two of you that you shared....oh how you must miss, that one of a kind smile. Happy thoughts and prayers still coming your way. Take care.

[Jessie McLaughlin]

Hugs Ken! So glad your sister came to play!

[Janet Brattin]

:) You make me smile as much as Janelle did!! I can't get it out of my head what a beautiful couple, God really is great!